The Living Tree

Today was rough.

I fell out of a tree. Not like a normal tree though, a big tree, a weird tree. I spose I’m even just calling it a tree because that’s the closest thing I can compare it to. This thing was like something from a Dr. Suess book. 60 feet tall, branches flat like platforms, and at the end of each branch were two little nubs. I’d never seen anything like it before, and for some reason I just had to climb it. Don’t ask why, I had never been much of a tree climber as a kid. Not that I was afraid of heights, I’ve always just been a generally clumsy guy. I tend to bump into the occasional wall or person here and there, the walls usually take it better than the people do. One of my shoes are usually untied at least 60% of the time, and I also have the balance of a drunk third grader. So anyway, you can see why tree climbing wouldn’t be on my list of things to do on a Saturday. But I guess today was a weird Saturday, and this was a weird tree.

Maybe it was the stair-like branches spiraling up around the side of it, almost calling for me to take the first step. Or the strange yellow flower hanging out of its trunk about 25 feet up. The tree also had a very familiar smell to it, but not a specific smell. Almost nostalgic, like the smell of your elementary school or your grandpa’s car, I couldn’t explain it. Either way I didn’t have much going on, and it had been a while since I had done something stupid, so I figured I was overdue. 

I took the first couple steps. The branches were sturdy, they had no give, almost as if the tree was carved out of stone. I pushed my finger against it and picked a small chunk of bark off the side, it slipped off as if it was being held on by frosting. I quickly pulled my hand back. 

“This is some other shit.” I caught myself saying out loud. 60 different thoughts rushed through my mind all at once. What is this tree? Is it an alien? Can it feel me? My heart was thumping, I knew there was something strange or unearthly about this tree. I was about five feet off the ground at this point, I could have easily turned and climbed back or even jumped off if I wanted to, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to, I was always a dangerously curious person. And for some strange reason I felt connected to this tree, it almost felt as if the tree wanted me to climb it. So I obliged. 

Branch by branch I climbed, slowly working my way around and up the side of the magic tree. Not all of the branches were as easy to climb as the first few, but the platforms were wide and sturdy enough that once you were standing on one, you could sit and plan your next move. I even took out my little knife and carved my initials in a few spots. I felt a unique joy climbing this tree, a joy I can only describe as childlike. All of the things that were bothering me in life gracefully faded into the background, and for the first time in a long time, my head was clear. My only goal was figuring out which branch to grab next. I thought to myself, why didn’t I do this more as a kid? But my trance was shattered by the faint and distant sound of a barking dog. I stopped climbing and looked around. 

“Oh shit.” I whispered.

“God damn it.”

I climbed too far. 

I had to be about 35 feet off the ground, there was no jumping down now. I could feel my knees begin to buckle. My heart started thumping, hard. In my panic I took a couple of small steps to the left, unaware of the nub sticking out at just about foot height.

That’s when my troubles began.

I’m not sure what most people look like when they’re falling out of trees, but my trip was anything but graceful. I hit about every third branch on the way down and smacked just about every limb against something hard. What felt like about fifteen minutes and three concussions later, my body flew into the earth at an uncomfortably high velocity. 

I laid motionless on the ground for a bit, I wasn’t sure how many bones I had broken and I wasn’t in a rush to find out. 

One finger at a time,

then a hand,

then a knee,

no pain yet.

I sat up. It was a miracle, not one broken bone. Not even a cut. I breathed a sigh of relief and then eventually a chuckle. But my brief moment of retrospection was once again cut short by the familiar barking of a dog. I looked around for it, but couldn’t see much. And that’s when I got smacked on the head with a falling acorn. 

“Ow! Fuck!”

I quickly rubbed the spot of impact, almost as if to put out the metaphorical fire of pain.

“Goddammit that hurt!”

And then I heard another familiar sound, 

but this one came from above me. 

The sound of limbs smacking against tree branches, the human grunts of a ragdoll like body being thwacked out as if it was a dirty car mat, and they were getting louder. I rolled out of the way about two seconds before a body pummeled straight into the exact spot I was sitting. 

Not just any body though. 

My body. 

I stood in shock with my mouth hanging open, terrified. I watched, unable to even blink as the other me slowly moved, finger by finger. I knew I would have to confront him in the next few seconds but I had no realm of even an inkling of what I was going to say. This was new territory for me, and the brain tends to short out when it has no frame of reference.

He moves his hand,

And then a knee.

My shoulders tighten, I hadn’t exhaled in about 25 seconds. 

He sits himself up and looks around. 

We lock eyes.

I exhale.

“What the fuck?” he whispers.

“Uhh” I whimper back

“Is this- Am I- Am I dead?”

“I’m… not sure, I mean no- I mean- maybe? I don’t know.”

“Who are you?” he asks.

“Take a guess.” I say, slightly smiling at the fact that even in times of great stress and uncertainty, I still have the ability to be a sarcastic asshole.

“But how-”

He was interrupted by what was now the very familiar sound of a barking dog in the distance. We both shot our heads in the same direction, only for me to be swiftly reminded of the dwindling problem at hand. I take a few steps back and stare up the trunk of the once majestic alien tree. Sure enough, there I was, about 35 feet up. I looked up just in time to see my left foot hook the nub and send me tumbling down like a vertical pinball. I gotta say, it’s almost worse watching yourself take the fall than actually falling. It’s almost like falling twice, it’s hard to explain.

**THUMP**

I look over at Me #2, who looks down at the body, then back at me. I walk up to him and rip the front pocket off of his shirt, and then mine.

“There’s a chance this might get confusing” I told him.

“I was just thinking the same thing.” he says.

“You don’t say.” I respond, sarcastically.

We chuckle.

"What about him now?" Said 2, gesturing toward 3, who was starting to move his fingers.

"I don't know, this is a lot happening very fast." I harkened back to every sci-fi movie I had ever seen and I found no precedent for anything like this.

 3 got up a lot faster than 2 and I, he must've heard us talking. He scrambled back toward another tree, as I probably would have if I had heard 2 clones talking about me. 

“What the fuck is this-”

“Okay just chill out.” Said 2 “None of us know whats happening, we both fell out of that tree just like you did. Me about 40 seconds before you, and him about 40 seconds before me.” 

“Oh Jesus.” Said 3. I could see he was trying and failing to wrap his head around the whole thing. He took a breath. “So that thing’s like, a time machine?” He asked, pointing toward the tree.

“I mean.. Yeah I guess so.” I said.

“Like a really shitty time machine.” Said 2. “And I think we might be caught in a loop.”

**THUMP**

A new me enters the scene, face first.

That one caught us all off guard, we must have missed the dog barking. 

“Oh shit!” #3 jumped to his feet. “Oh my god, fuck climbing trees!”

“You ain’t kidding.” I told him.

“So what about him now?” he said, gesturing toward the newly fallen me.

“Look, this whole thing is only getting bigger.” 2 said calmly “And until we figure out how to stop it, I think it might be better if we just stick with as few heads as possible.”

“Agreed.” I responded

“So what? Just pretend he’s not there?” 3 asked, half jokingly.

“Yeah sure that works.” said 2.

“Works for me” I said.

“Okay fine, so how do we tell each other apart from the rest of us?” 

2 and I both looked down at our shirt pocket then back up at 3.

“Oh nice, that seems like something I would’ve thought up.” He went to rip his own pocket but 2 put his hand on his chest, stopping him.

“What?” said 3, confused. “What’s the deal-”

“What the fuck is going on?!” exclaimed a newly shaken up and very confused #4. He must have been standing there for the better part of the last ten seconds. We all looked at him briefly, then continued on casually with our conversation.

“It’s just that, the shirt pocket thing is kind of a two person thing you know?” Said 2.

“But-”

“Yeah…” I chimed in. “You can’t really have three people do the shirt pocket thing, otherwise it gets confusing. Why don’t you flip your pant pocket inside out or something.”

“That looks stupid though.”

“Well I don’t know man, figure it out.” I said, “But you can’t do the shirt pocket thing. That’s our thing.”

“Fine.” Muttered 3 as he reluctantly flipped his pant pocket inside out. 2 and I looked at each other and both shook our heads a bit.

“HELLOOOOO!!!” Yelled 4, who was still standing in the same spot, now visibly irritated. “Anybody wanna fill me in here?!”

The three of us looked around, still pretending not to notice the guy. I honestly felt kind of bad about it, I know personally how much I hate being ignored. 

“For Real?!” Said 4. 

“I can’t do this” Said 3 “Let’s just talk to him, it’s just one more guy.”

“No really, don’t-” Said 2.

“Hey man listen” said 3 to the newcomer. “Here’s the deal-”

**CRUNCH**

Three simultaneous “OH SHIT!”s echoed through the woods. #5 had made his grand entrance directly on top of #4, instantly killing both of them in the process.

“Well...” said 2, “I guess that solves that problem.”

“Jesus christ.” Said 3.

“Let’s just try not to think about it.” I said. “We’ve got a little time, let’s just try and figure out a way to stop this loop. Right now there’s another version of us about to fall off that tree and we’ve gotta stop him, otherwise it’s just gonna keep on happening. Now two of me, I can handle. Three, I can deal with. But I think we all can agree, the more, the worse.”

“Agreed.” Said 2.

“Okay fine.” Said 3 “What’s the plan?”

“No plan yet, we’ve been pretty busy here”

In the distance we hear an all too familiar dog barking. The three of us run outward and look up. Sure enough, there I am, just reaching the final platform.

“Hey!” I yell. “HEY! Don’t turn around! Keep your feet still!” but it was too late. Down he went.

**THUMP**

“Goddammit!” Yelled 2.

“Keep trying with the next guy.” Said 3.

And so we did. And like the last guy, he fell right off. This time he tripped on his shoelace. For about 20 minutes we tried and tried. We took turns yelling, we yelled together, no matter what we did or said I just kept falling off that damn tree. 

The new versions of me were really starting to pile up now, I was getting really nervous. They had starting grouping up in small factions just like us. I knew we had to do something soon, otherwise the world would have a serious me shaped problem on its hands. I looked at the rest of the original three, they looked just as concerned as I felt. I didn’t know what to do. I knew they were out of ideas because I was out of ideas. I just wanted to run, you know? Maybe leave the country and let the rest of the world deal with this. Can you blame me? I mean this is some stressful shit. 

It was then I noticed that I hadn’t heard a thump in a little while, which the other two noticed at the exact same time. We all looked up to see me, staring down, in horror, frozen in shock.

“Well this is new.” Said 2.

“Yeah.” I said. I could only imagine the confusion and fear going through the newest version’s mind at the moment. 30 different versions of you all wandering around at the base of the tree that you’re climbing.

“HEY!” Yelled 3 “Can you hear me?!”

“Yeah.” Said the me in the tree.

“Okay listen close and follow my instructions! I need you to trust me, can you do that?”

A beat goes by.

“Why should I trust you?!” He yelled back.

“This fucking guy." Said #2, not recognizing the irony of his statement. "Just do me a favor and carefully crouch down and tie your shoe.”

He did.

“Good. Now slowly, one branch at a time, climb back to the ground. And watch out for the nubs!”

And he did. Slowly but surely he made his way back to the ground. The three of us all breathed a collective sigh of relief, but the moment of celebration was short lived, as we now had a new problem to deal with. Around 31 problems, to be exact.

The air suddenly went stiff. I knew the second I had the thought that the rest of me wouldn’t be far behind. 

31 of me,

only one bed,

only one car,

only one family.

This wasn’t going to work.

We all knew what was about to happen.

Everything went silent.

Then chaos. 

Instantly I regretted bringing my pocket knife with me day, it was a true bloodbath. I knew that none of us wanted to have to do this, but we all knew it had to be done.

I dove to a loose branch, snapped it over my knee and tossed the other half to #2. As far as I was concerned, we were in this together. Back to back we fought for at least 10 minutes until we killed just about every last one of us. It was incredibly brutal.

“Fuck, man.” he muttered.

“I know.” I muttered back.

“So what now?” he said, out of breath. “We fight each other?”

“I don’t know, man… I think we could probably make this work with the two of us, right?”

“Right?”

**THUD**

I turned around to see #2 hunched over in the fetal position, bleeding out at the feet of #3.

“Wow.” I said, defeated. “You really are a piece of work.”

“Takes one to know one.” He said with a sneer, as his fist tightened around his knife.

He had the drop on me, I was physically drained. He had won and we both knew it. He took his final step forward to swing his knife. 

I closed my eyes and held my breath.

**THUD**

I opened my eyes, looked down, and exhaled.

I couldn't believe it, the clumsy bastard tripped on his shoelace and fell throat first onto his own knife. Talk about dumb luck. I took a second to collect myself and look around the newly converted battleground, it was like something you could only see in nightmares. 30 of me, all dead. Any one of those bodies could have been me, but none of them were.

What happened next I can barely describe. 

Roots started growing upward from the ground, wrapping around the lifeless legs and torsos of all the dead clones. Almost like little hands, pulling the bodies into the earth. As the bodies got sucked under one by one, little yellow flowers started blooming all over the magic tree, almost as if it was feeding. Then it clicked. I saw now what this whole thing was, I now fully understood what was happening. Now I know why the tree smelled nostalgic. It was a lure, a lure that worked perfectly. Whatever this thing was, it had done this many times before, and it had the system worked to a perfect science. I learned that day that the world was a lot bigger and a lot stranger than I gave it credit for, and I wasn’t even upset. How could I be?  It was absolutely beautiful. I saw #2's torso sticking halfway out of the ground, slowly getting sucked under by the hungry tree, I shed a tear for him. 

Then I got up, tied my shoes, and walked home, a slightly better person.