Loser
I am a loser,
I lose what I touch.
I can lose anything,
And I lose way too much.
There's not a whole lot
Of stuff I haven’t lost.
And constantly losing things,
Comes with it's cost.
I’ve lost paychecks,
And nephews,
And cigarettes too.
I’ve lost pieces
Of Candy Land, Trouble and Clue.
I’ve lost whole plates of food
Disappeared,
Just like that.
I’ve lost girlfriends,
Because of me losing their cat.
One time I lost my left ear for a week.
I was walking in circles,
And all out of sync.
I found it right next to the laundry room sink.
I can’t take all this losing,
I’m pushed to the brink!
If I lose one more thing,
Imma lose it, I swear
All this losing,
Is making me lose all my hair!
Now I’m losing my mind,
It’s a slippery slope.
My marbles are missing,
I’m losing my hope.
Now I’m laughing at nothing,
And crying at jokes.
I’m screaming
And reaming myself
“AM I SLOW?!?”
K, I just need to breathe.
Maybe go for a drive.
I’ll just go grab my keys,
Think I left them inside.
And of course they’re not there!
Who do I think I am?!
Not a loser?!
Complete with a cursed pair of hands?!
I should cut the hands off!
Then I’d never lose shit.
THAT’S GENIUS!
I’M GENIUS!
I’VE DONE IT!
THAT’S IT!
If I cut off my hands,
Then I can’t pick stuff up.
No more hands,
No more curse.
God I'm so fucking nuts.
But I’m pushed to the edge!
And I just want to live.
I’ve lost all rationale
And I’ve lost fucks to give.
The first hand is easy,
A one,
Two,
And three!
Wow that thing popped right off!
This is fun!
Look at me!
Now, Hand Number Two!
Oh no.
Wait.
How’s this work?
I need Hand Number One,
To put Two in the dirt.
Well ain’t this a thing,
A conundrum at best.
Now I’m getting woozy
And making a mess.
Maybe I should’ve just thought this one through.
And perhaps that’s the reason I’m losing stuff, too.
It was never a curse,
Just severe lack of thought.
And a sense of awareness,
That I never got.
Perhaps I can fix this,
There might just be time.
I’ve heard stories of fingers,
Put back on just fine.
Found my keys
With pure ease
They were right on my stand.
Now if I could just think,
Where did I set that hand?
